The Stars Above Vallarta: Slightly cheeky horoscopes to get you through the weekend.

Even though the skies have been overcast, that hasn’t stopped the stars above from asserting their influence, however slight. Take this advice with a couple grains of salt from the rim of your margarita.

You will want to totally surround yourself with your people — and most likely they’ll want to hang with you, too, so make it a party at Nacho Daddy’s (Basilio Badillo 287, in Zona Romantica – Open until Midnight).
It might get frustrating this week when you have to deal with one or two amigos who can’t get their facts straight, but you’ll be first on the scene on Thursday or Friday when something big goes down, and you’ll have great stories for a long time to come. Try to be patient over the weekend as little roadblocks pop up between you and that party.

Someone teases you and won’t let up until you snap. If you see it coming, head out on a paddle board ( to escape the pressure, unless you’ve got some steam to blow off. On Thursday and Friday, you’ll feel rushed by someone with a different agenda, but you don’t have to stick with their timetable. The weekend is great for dates and just plain chilling – have you watched Bird Box yet? Look at it through the lens of a migrant worker. Brilliant hey?

This week brings something huge that will sweep you off into some new adventure. You’ll love it, but you might crave a little downtime. You’ll have your chance midweek when you’ll feel like sleeping all day and might be a little ticked off at that one friend of yours who keeps buzzing. Just before the weekend kicks in, you’ll want to check your head over what it is that you really want (Dance the night away at Mr. Flamingo’s, maybe?). Stay focused on that throughout Saturday and Sunday, and don’t let yourself be distracted by anyone, no matter how hot they are.

Use that big brain of yours to save the day early this week — your heart might be just as powerful, but it needs a rest right now. Someone is going to rile you up late in the week, so much so that you might nuke ’em verbally before you realize what you’re saying. You can easily make it up over the weekend if you want because nobody can resist your charm, and the cheap beers you’re buying at the Sea Monkey (Aquiles Serdán 174, Zona Romántica).

You’ve got the power to let go, even if you don’t realize it yet; try easing up on your grip just a little on Monday and see what happens. You will soon see that whatever you thought was so crucial turns out to be just another thing — freeing you up for something way better. By the end of Friday night, you’ll have met someone who gives your mind a big spin and sets you off in an entirely new direction. Go with it. Take it all the way to Luna Lounge in Bucerias for the new Amy Armstrong show – Viva la Diva!

The world needs you to keep an open mind early this week, as it sends you a new idea that will throw you onto a new trajectory. Don’t freak out if your people can’t keep up with you — they will catch up eventually, and you’ve got some new folks you need to meet anyway. Think about travel over the weekend or, even better, take off on a road trip (to Hotel Rinconcito on Mayto beach) that’s totally unplanned (as much as you can keep from planning anything like that).

It might feel like you’ve been walking the same road for a little too long this week, so mix it up and find a new path or take the funicular to Pinnacle for their happy hour. Something big is going to go down later in the week involving someone close, and you should check your head as soon as it starts. If you’re feeling good, you’re on the right track; if not, you need to readjust before responding. Take a big break over the weekend and soak up some art or music at the ArtVallarta opening of the new Tony Collantez show.

Your family gets pretty weird on Monday but you’ll have it all sorted out by midweek and will be able to work it into your latest creative project — even if it’s just figuring out how to chat up that one you have your eye on. Try a little volunteer work later in the week (walking the dogs at the Acopio is a good start) or just help out one of your friends in need. If you’re involved with someone, let them take the lead over the weekend, even if you’ve got plans of your own. Scoring a few points will help a lot.

You’ll blow away anyone you meet with your freestyling and creative energy, so get out there and dog around a little. Midweek you’ll lose something you were sure you had a tight grip on, but it won’t take you long to figure out what happened (Too much fun, obviously). It’s nothing you can’t replace, anyway. Look for a neon-bright love connection to come your way toward the end of the week perhaps at the fireworks show on the Malecon every night around 9:30pm. Keep it down low over the weekend.

Things might not go exactly the way you want them to early in the week, so it’s a good time to just kick back and think about how to make the future sweeter. You can move a lot more quickly on mid-week, especially because it will seem like everyone else is frozen in time like the Malecon statues. If you really push yourself throughout the week, you will find that you’re loving every minute of the weekend that follows. If you’re looking for love, now is the time that you’re looking and feeling hottest, so hit up the clubs on the Malecon and show those statues a thing or two.

A big thrill shudders up and down your spine as you realize something sweet about yourself. Watch out for an exuberant splurge possibly at one of the shops during the Friday night Southside Shuffle (6-10pm along Basilio Badillo). You’ll be amazed at how energized you are late in the week. The weekend will be a lot quieter, so don’t worry about overextending yourself Friday night; stay out as long as you want.


You’ll be the sage of your gang early this week, with all the answers — even for questions that they haven’t thought to ask yet. You’ll really come into your power this weekend, finding that you can draw on a bottomless well of all you can drink mimosas at the Sheraton brunch on Sundays, just when your people need it most. You might get seriously confused later on, but you’ll be able to get it all sorted out in your own way over the weekend. Try writing it down or turning it into art.


Madeline Milne on EmailMadeline Milne on Instagram
Living in Mexico full time since 2011, Madeline is a graphic designer, writer, iPhone photographer and road tripper.